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DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there an etiquette prohibition against airing one's dirty laundry? And I mean literally -- as from the balcony of a historic hotel facing a beautiful public park!

Perhaps a swimsuit on a chair, or in an inner courtyard balcony, but what are these people thinking, displaying their underwear? Could a fellow traveler hint at the inappropriate, tacky nature of this display?

GENTLE READER: How? By shouting it up to the balcony? That would be more than just a hint -- and would put you on display, rather than the laundry.

But perhaps by "fellow traveler," you mean traveling companion and you are closer to the situation.

Either way, Miss Manners would find it difficult to admonish someone politely -- and without the valid retort that it is charming when the locals do it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For years, my older sister served food she knew I could not or would not eat. I ate what I could and did not select the other foods at the buffet, if given a choice.

For years, she complained I was too picky, even though I told her my doctor had tested me and that I was allergic to beef and could not eat spicy foods, nor anything with nuts, seeds or skins. Turns out, I had diverticulitis, as had our father.

But my older sister knew better and was convinced that if she told me to eat a certain food, I would do what she told me.

The last time I "ate" at her house, the only thing I could eat was mashed potatoes, and I had to insist that she leave the beef gravy off. Even the ice cream for dessert had nuts and seeds in it.

No one is sorrier than I am that I can't eat salsa or nuts or drink coffee. However, I prefer not to be ill after a meal. I cannot comprehend the reason other people think I should or must eat a certain way.

GENTLE READER: It is not only rude, but also inconvenient. Miss Manners would think that your sister would want to ward off any illness, not just for your sake, but also for the clean-up afterwards.

As long as allergies, medical excuses, dietary concerns and even preferences are politely stated and not made the focus of the event, reasonable accommodations should be made without fear of coercion or bullying. And that goes for that second round of dessert or martinis, too.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: An exceptionally kind and creative friend died suddenly. My friend had a broad following on social media, so there was an outpouring of condolence messages.

It was comforting to read the loving messages, but I was bothered by some messages which ended in "RIP" instead of words. It seemed a little tacky to me.

GENTLE READER: The sentiment itself, or that it is an acronym? There was a time when it was commonly used on tombstones, which is not an informal medium.

But Miss Manners will remind you that posting condolences on social media is never a standard for serious communication, even when the messages bring their readers comfort. Better to put those sentiments in a letter to the family -- where, yes, signing off with "RIP" would be tacky and best avoided.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN