Teen Prefers Being Alone
DEAR HARRIETTE: My 16-year-old daughter is determined to completely isolate herself. She says she doesn't want any friends, so she acts very mean and disinterested in other kids at school and extracurricular activities. At home, she likes to stay in her room and read so she can avoid spending time with the family. It makes me so sad, because I'm not sure why she is acting like this. When she was in middle school, she had lots of friends and enjoyed spending time with them. I have tried asking her if something happened at school or if someone hurt her feelings, but she insists that everything is fine. Whenever I encourage her to spend time with other kids or invite her friends over, she becomes irritated and tells me she is perfectly happy being alone. I worry she is pushing everyone away because of something deeper that she doesn't know how to talk about. I also worry I may be making things worse by constantly asking questions or encouraging her to socialize. How can I tell the difference between a teenager who genuinely enjoys being alone and one who is isolating herself because she is struggling with something? -- Teenage Blues
DEAR TEENAGE BLUES: It is time to get help for her. Find a teen therapist who may be able to coax her out of isolation and at least talk about what's happening in her life. Your daughter may not want to go, but you can make it happen. Also, speak to the guidance counselor at her school or to her main teacher. Check in to find out if her behavior has changed at all or if they are aware of any concerns socially for your daughter. Be proactive, but know that pressing her to tell you things probably won't work.
DEAR HARRIETTE: At the beginning of the summer, I spent a nice bit of time with a friend I know from college -- long ago. We enjoyed each other's company a lot, and I thought we might hang out more as the summer progressed. But after a bit, every time I invited her to do something, she was too busy. We both have husbands and children. I know we all have busy lives, but I wonder if I did or said anything to turn her off. We were having so much fun and then nothing. Am I reading too much into this? Since I am curious, how can I ask without seeming clingy? I just really want to know. -- Snubbed
DEAR SNUBBED: Why not try one more time with an open-ended invitation. You can say something such as, "Summer is coming to a close. Would you like to grab a drink or hang out one more time before the seasons change?" See what she says. That's not pushy, but it is an invitation. If she begs off or doesn't respond, you may not need to know more. Maybe your time together was all that was meant to be. If there seems to be space to inquire, you can ask if you did or said something that turned her off. But my guess is that life got in the way. No need to make it bigger than that. Continue to live yours.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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