Back in 2019 (and for some reason it graced my mind today), the actress Emma Watson brought attention to singledom, not simply by saying that she is happily single but by naming herself as “self-partnered.” It not only acknowledges the fact that being single is a choice, which many people seem to forget, but it’s a valid one at that.

Too often, society puts undue pressure on people—particularly women—to find a partner, as if the default of life is to be coupled up and anything else is “less than” or incomplete.

I disagree.

Because I’m a dating coach, of course most of my clients come to me wanting a partner. But I truly believe that you need to be a complete person on your own first. Rarely do people take the time to explore that side of themselves … the side that has to occupy their own time, find the things that truly make them happy and live a life not of yearning but of content.

Whether the best term is “self-partnered,” “happily single,” “in a relationship with myself,” or just plain “happy,” I’m glad some people are shedding light on the fact that it’s not just OK to be without a partner, but you can thrive that way. In fact, some Instagram accounts make their entire identity about their lack of a partner… and I love it.

Does what I’m saying go against my daily job of helping clients partner up? I don’t think so. I think everyone should experience some alone time in life, whether between relationships or just when the time comes, not because they can’t find someone but because they want to live their life for themselves and know that they are enough.

You don’t need another person’s love to validate you, and you certainly don’t need someone else to show you how much you’re worth. We all have value — single or in a relationship. The more important piece is whether you’re happy with where you are in life. On your own.

I get asked daily, partially because I’m a woman in my 40s and mostly because I’m a dating coach, “Are you married yet?” or “Are you still single?” Someone recently asked me, “Are you in a relationship, or are you struggling with dating?” Projecting much?

There are so many assumptions wrapped up in these questions, especially the use of the words “yet” and “still.” These two seemingly innocuous words imply that there is a one-size-fits-all way to live, and that is to find a long-term partner. As a note, I make a point to keep my personal and professional life separate, much like a therapist, so I always decline responding to people’s prying questions. Some things, to me anyway, have to remain sacred.

As we’re seeing with millennials and younger generations, that assumption is getting flipped on its head. There is no straight path. In fact, it’s that path—or the mere pressure to be on that path from family, friends, and strangers alike—that often leads people to be miserable or lonely, even when they’ve found “the one.”

Living and loving a single life is not something to hide. It’s something to embrace and honor. And maybe, just maybe, if more people embraced singlehood as a valid and fulfilling way to live, rather than a temporary pit stop or a problem to solve, we’d all be better partners when and if the time comes.

Being single isn’t a gap in the story; it is the story. One worth living, loving, and telling with pride.

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