Dear Anna,

My husband and I welcomed our beautiful daughter six months ago, and while we're absolutely in love with her, I feel like my husband and I are just ships passing in the night. Between diaper changes, feedings and sleep deprivation, our relationship has taken a backseat. Date nights seem like a distant memory, and when we do have a rare moment alone, we're either talking about the baby or too exhausted to connect meaningfully.

Last week, we finally had my mother watch the baby so we could have dinner together, but we spent the entire time checking our phones for updates and rushing through the meal to get back home. I love being a mom, but I miss being a wife and partner too. How can we maintain our connection and intimacy during this intense phase of parenthood? I'm worried if we don't figure this out now, we'll wake up when our daughter is older and feel like strangers. — Missing Out on Marriage

Dear MOM,

First, take a deep breath and know that what you're experiencing isn't just common — it's nearly universal. The transition to parenthood is one of the most life-altering relationship shifts you'll ever navigate together, and the fact that you're aware of this drift and concerned about it speaks volumes about how much you value your partnership.

That moment you described — rushing through dinner, phones at the ready, minds still at home with your baby — is one nearly every new parent recognizes with a mix of guilt and resignation. The truth is, your world has fundamentally changed, and trying to recreate your pre-baby relationship exactly as it was is like trying to visit a country that no longer exists.

Here's what I want you to know: This isn't permanent, but it isn't temporary either. Your relationship isn't on pause — it's transforming. The intense season of early parenthood will gradually ease, but you and your husband will emerge as different people than those who first held your daughter in their arms six months ago.

Rather than waiting for life to “get back to normal,” the challenge now is to discover what intimacy looks like in this new landscape you inhabit together. And I don't just mean physical intimacy, though that's certainly part of it — I mean the emotional connection that makes you feel seen as more than just "mom" and "dad."

Start small. The exhaustion you're feeling is real, and ambitious date nights are likely not realistic right now. Instead, create tiny rituals of connection that fit into the life you actually have. Spend 10 minutes at the end of the day sharing one thought or feeling that has nothing to do with the baby. Hold hands while watching your daughter sleep. Leave a note in your husband's work bag, or send a text that acknowledges him as your partner, not just your co-parent.

Be intentional about physical touch that doesn't demand energy you don't have — a hand on the shoulder as you pass in the kitchen, sitting close enough to feel each other's warmth while you both scroll through baby pictures. These small moments might seem insignificant, but they're powerful reminders that you're still connected as a couple.

When you can manage those brief outings together, try shifting your mindset. Rather than seeing them as a return to your pre-baby relationship (which inevitably highlights how different things are now), approach them as explorations of this new shared identity. Talk about how parenthood is changing you both, not just the logistics of baby care. Share your fears, your surprises, the parts of this journey that have revealed aspects of each other you never knew existed.

Remember too that it's OK — healthy even — to miss your old life together. Acknowledging that doesn't diminish your love for your daughter. Parenthood is simultaneously disruptive and rewarding, infuriating and imbued with meaning, and pretending otherwise will only create distance between you.

The couples who navigate this time most successfully aren't those who avoid the disruption — they're the ones who face it together, who allow their relationship to evolve rather than expecting it to remain unchanged. They find moments of joy and connection within the chaos, not despite it.

This phase will ease, though perhaps not as quickly as you might hope. Eventually your daughter will sleep through the night, eventually she’ll become more independent, eventually she won’t need constant supervision. But your marriage needs nurturing now, in the midst of this beautiful upheaval. Not with grand gestures or elaborate plans, but with gentle attention and the shared understanding that you're both finding your way through unfamiliar territory.

Be patient with yourselves. Be gentle with each other. And know that by tending to the small flames of connection during this exhausting time, you're not just surviving parenthood — you're laying the foundation for a deeper, more resilient partnership that will continue to evolve through all the seasons of family life that lie ahead.

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